Paul Ryan Gosling

I like my women like I like my cheese curds-- yellow, squeaky and distrustful of big government programs that benefit the poor and middle class.

facebook.com/paulryangosling

Dear Paul Ryan Gosling,

What’s the best song to “make whoopie” to?

Sincerely,

In The Mood

HEY GIRL: When I’m making love to a fine thing like yourself, I usually find myself humming “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.” I find it helps to prolongs the experience, if you know what I mean and I think that you do. The only downside is now I can’t go to a Brewers game without excusing myself to a bathroom stall for about three-and-a-half minutes after the seventh inning stretch.

Medicare cuts!

Dear Paul Ryan Gosling,

Does rape cause pregnancy?

Sincerely,

Need Answer Quick

HEY GIRL: No, the love of a man for a woman, as demonstrated by the insertion of his erect penis into her soft, supple vagina while kissing her lips and humming “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” causes pregnancy.

Dear Paul Ryan Gosling,

Would you rather wake up next to a dozen adorable kittens or a sick, coughing spouse?

Sincerely,

John McCain

HEY GIRL: I’m fairly certain you’re not the real John McCain. If you are, answer this question that only the real John McCain would know the answer to: What was the name of the prostitute at that opium den in Madagascar who was feeding us lemon cake off of her ass?

If you have a question for Paul Ryan Gosling, submit it here. Satisfaction not guaranteed. 

  1. paulryangosling posted this